How to be Single and Love It?

This is how my spiritual journey began, a long time ago.

In 1979, my father hired me to be an insurance clerk in Miami.

My life had hit the rock bottom. I was twenty five.

I went to see a respected lady psychologist who had treated me in Cuba twenty years earlier for a severe speech impediment.

Now in her 70’s, I told her how messed up my life was.

She said to me “Jose, get close to God.”

At that moment a light darted through me. I knew that this was the answer to stop the free fall that my life was on.

Next to my father’s office was an Episcopalian church which was opened.

I was broken, fearful, and helpless.

During lunch breaks, I went to this empty church and prayed to the God whom I did not know.

I had been doing spiritual searching and had read about tarot cards.

I did not know if God was Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Krishna or Confucius.

For ten days I went to the church, got on my knees and cried out to the roof for help and mercy.

Nothing happened; there were no bright lights, or bells or whistles, just stark silence.

On about the tenth day a Presence of the sweetest, most innocent, and delightful love came upon and enveloped me.

I knew that this Presence loved me, would be my best friend, and was pure, innocent, and trustworthy.

I was so hungry for more encounter.

I visited the church and came into contact again with this wonderful being.

I was to realize that this was the magnificent Holy Spirit.

As the encounters continued I was compelled to go to the nearby Christian bookstore and purchased a Living Bible.

As the months progressed I recognized that this was Jesus, not Mohammed, not Buddha nor the crystals, not the energy and not Krishna.

This glorious Presence had drawn me only to Jesus! I had a born again experience all by myself.

Jesus then instructed me to practice celibacy until He brought me my wife.

This was to be the most frustrating part of my relationship with God.  I obeyed Him though the cost was high.

If I would have known that celibacy was to last nine years, I would have left Jesus. But He kept it hidden from me.

I gave my life to God at the age of twenty-five but got married at thirty-four.

Coming out of a life of mega partying and into one of hyper celibacy, was more than what I bargained for, almost more than I could endure.

Many a time I become furious with God.

Many were the incidents of desperation, extreme loneliness, plentiful tears, and bitterness at God.

To make it worse, everyone in church was getting married before me.

It took me so long to get married because I was so messed up. Bound up in years of pornography, drugs, booze and epic insecurities, it took God a long time to clean me up.

In loneliness and desperation I attempted to force God’s arm.

Embarking on a seven-day fast, I knew that God would now give me my wife.

The Lord was hushed until my first bite of food after seven days, and said “NO”.  That got me even angrier at Him.

I empathize with single people who long for marriage. It was not easy.

Many a time I wanted to walk away from Jesus, but knew that I could not find a love like His.

After years of wetting my pillow with tears, God led me into a journey which changed my life.

“Jose”, He said, “become married to me”. “Fall in love with me.”

I spent more time with God on my knees and in His Word. I became so utterly thrilled with Him, so full of Him, that I did not want a wife.

Part of me no longer wanted marriage so that I could remain free to serve Him.

I was so happy.

Life was now one humongous love adventure with Jesus.

It was at this point that my lovely wife Mary came to me in 1986.

She was missionary from England. God had brought her via Colombia through Puerto Rico and to my church in Miami.

When I met her, I had little interest in getting married.

We were the best of friends for one and half years before God opened our eyes.

We went out on three dates, were married six months later, and have four beautiful children.

By earthly standards, we have a picture perfect marriage.

Of course we have our arguments. However, in twenty six years, we have never taken one to sleep.

We are always in harmony with the Lord, His voice and calling us.

We are more in love with each other than ever before.

We trust each other a hundred percent.

Our family is not broken. We enjoy dynamic relationships with our four adult children.

We are each others best friends.

We do not keep secrets.

We pray all major decisions and get God’s wisdom.

How can this be?

When my spiritual journey began, God had told me “Jose remain celibate and wait for your wife.” It was the toughest thing I have ever done, but how it’s paid off!

My wife and I am truly heaven’s match, the loving breath of God made incarnate. We are gloves which fit perfectly over two hands.

Can this happen for you? Of course. Wait on the Lord, and on the spouse which He has for you.

Get married and filled with Him, and before you know it He will bring His perfect one from the ends of the earth.


Mary and me getting married by Pastor Bert Hadas in May of 1988.